Bugs

I love Volkswagen Beetles. Ever since I was a little boy I've been fascinated with them. My small, but rather subtle collection consists of several die-cast models, one-or two slightly larger ones, and even the odd pull-back-and-let-go version. Most recently I took the liberty of making a rear wing out of Lego and cardboard, chopping out sponsor decals from F1 magazines and sticking them all onto one of my 1-16 scale versions. I even printed out a Cadbury College label to stick on the roof (I guess I'm just a romantic at heart). But it was in no way complete unless I had swapped it's little rubber tyres with another car and printed out the race number. Yep, it was number 53.

This car began life in the grey cells of a certain Adolf Hitler, who literally wanted a 'People's Car' for all the Germans to take up and down the newly-built Autobahns. Designed and built by Ferdinand Porsche in 1933, the VW has been the world's best selling cars of all time, with some 21,000,000 sold since the war. It's reckoned that over 1.2 Billion people have at one point in their lives have travelled in a Beetle, but my one brief ride about 5 years ago amounted to 800 yards, a bang, and a cloud of roadside smoke.

As with most cars of the time, the Beetle has since been treated to a never ending stream of upgrades and improvements, and have of course recently culminated in the launch of the Brand New Beetle which will arrive over here quite soon.

But the Beetle isn't quite all peaches and cream. For a start, the engine, a crummy, air-cooled V6 was at the back, in the wrong place. It wasn't especially reliable, and if you even got a fairly good one, it was absolutely no fun at all to drive. The top speed was a hopeful 90-mph but 0-60 took about a week. And it only had a puny 6-volt battery, and changing gears was like trying to poke a stick into the gaps in the paving stones whilst on Roller blades.

But, if that's the case, why is it that we all smile and go 'Ahhhh' when a Beetle clatters by? Why is it that us students ridicule Tony Blair and Bill Clinton, and then proceed to drive home in a Nazi staff Car? Because in 1960, When Walt Disney was casting a star for his film about a motor with a mind of it's own, he didn't for one moment think about a Chevrolet Stingray or a Pontiac GTO. No, he needed something that looked almost human, something that was cute and cuddly. It just had to be the Beetle. That rounded, bug-like shape was as loveable as a Labrador puppy and would melt the hearts of even the most cold-hearted if it were given a mind and a personality. Disney took a plain white one, painted a French tri-colour just off centre along the top of it, plastered the magical number 53 on the doors and the bonnet and Herbie was born.

If it weren’t for that car, or indeed the 'Love Bug' films, I wouldn't have become a car enthusiast. I wouldn't be writing this column, I wouldn't even be thinking about watching 'Top Gear'. I would even maybe have bought a Nissan Sunny (Spare me the thought!) at the time I didn't realise what handling meant, I couldn't fathom out why people drove big, nasty estate cars. All I knew was that there could be such thing as a Beetle who could split in half and still keep going, a car that had a heart and a mind and a soul, a car that could beat a Porsche driven by a right nasty bloke. I owe more to the VW Beetle than I do to the man who designed the Mini or even Enzo Ferrari do.

The Beetle's almost human-like appearance is undoubtedly the main factor for it's appeal, if not it's street cred, because of the roundness of the body and the clatter and din of the engine, everyone loves it. Especially the Americans. It's reckoned that 3 out of 10 people in America will buy a VW Beetle as their first car, as a way of moving up to other things.

Now the Americans like to do things to their Beetles that would make Damien Hurst wince, such as cover the body in drink cans or bananas. Or they put spoilers and fins and various gubbins on them to make them have a little more street-cred. But there's nothing more what Americans like to do to their Bugs are to race them.

The most popular way is to Drag Race them. People will stretch them at the rear and fit huge, nitro-burning-Jet-powered Twin-Turbo V12 engines to them and burn some real rubber. Others stick things like Porsche engines in or will just even race them as they are. But, according to a book on the recent history of the Beetle, the ultimate Bug is owned by a man and his mates from California whose name has escaped my memory.

He has taken his common undtgarden Beetle, and fitted to it : IndyCar suspension, IndyCar wheels, IndyCar brakes & tyres, IndyCar diffs, IndyCar steering systems, Indycar pop-off valves, an IndyCar Gearbox, IndyCar transmission, a modified & re-shaped IndyCar floor and above all, a thumping great IndyCar Chevy Turbo V8 engine, mounted, for some reason, at the front, but this is stabilised by IndyCar rear bodywork and rear wings. He's even gone as far to nickname it 'Herbie on Steroids' and he races it whenever someone has the nerve to claim that their modified Beetle has more bite than his. It's catching on over here too, with the world-famous Bug-Jam Beetle Drag Series recently making it's annual Visit to Santa Pod.

The Beetle may not have advanced the cause of motoring as much as, say, the Mini, but it still is guaranteed a place in the history and the hearts of all those who love motoring. Those who would try and diss the Beetle as an irrelevant backside-engine Nazi slot car are the sort of people who would try to write a history of Boxing without mentioning Joe Frazier. Okay, it's mainly built nowadays in Mexico, ironically alongside the new model, where the line workers are paid in animals, but it still proves a guaranteed profit for VW, and how many companies can say that about a model that first rolled off the production lines almost 50 years ago?

And now the Beetle has, not a successor, but a sort of son in the all-new Beetle launched at last year's Geneva Motor show. The engine is now at front and is now water cooled, and there's loads more headroom, but there's no doubting it carries on all the traditions of the old Beetle. VW has really tried to put on the style with the new arrival, as it looks just as loveable as it did when Disney premiered 'The Love Bug'. And it really is a love bug, you don't know weather to drive it or hug it. VW knew that with a car steeped in history as the old Beetle, they couldn't do anything less than vamp it up as the new millennium approaches. And unlike the old Beetle, it'll definitely be better in terms of performance. You won't even feel like an idiot driving it, this could be the first Beetle that could you actually pull with.

This means that the legend of the Wolkswagen Beetle will continue to grow if the New Beetle does even half as well in sales as the old one ever did, and if it achieves even a smidgen of the fame of the old Beetle, it'll be just as much a legend.

You never know Disney might even be tempted to re-make 'The Love Bug' with one of them, and that would certainly be the new Bug's crowning achievement were it to happen. Maybe it could even be 'Love Bug - The Next Generation'

I just hope they don't cast Leonardo Di Crap-rio as the new Jim Douglas.